Autodestructive

Unwanted tendencies
Which I wanna deny
I'm loosing decencies
being so far from Adonai

Do I really wanna feel pain?
Is it my way to live?
I'm asking still and again
being in voluntarily captive

Just look at me, say anything
don't be so fuckin' distant
I wanna stop breathing
feel your closennes as blatant

I can't deal with it in any way
Pain is my choice to loose
to satisfy and allay
I know I'm breaking Your Rules

Don't hug me when my skin burns
Don't look at me when I'm beaten
I've got less ups than downs
But don't need Your hearten!

Jesus, You know all my lies
You can feel my pain, my loss
coz' You know when my soul cries
I wanna cope with my cross

suicide