...

With each passing day I am more mad
I am saying again ‘I have to be hard’
I heard ‘you have to be hard core’
But my indecision hurts me more and more
I should not be as a stalk, but like a stone
However, I know, first I have to atone
I am walking on a cord among good and bad
Which is which? Wrong or right? I see doubts myriad


I want to be perfect to you, ..
But perfectionism gives me only gloom
I am not small child, although I am too childish
I am not also dumb or voiceless fish
I do not wanna hurt you, I do not wanna lie
But, nowadays, I feel less live than died
I am not like you wanna me to be
Before I am gonna do something stupid, I wanna say:
.....................................................................................I am sorry


I am sorry I wanna have my own decision
I am sorry you think that I follow the delusion
You gave me everything, you cured me in disease
I am aware I can do mistake: forgive me please
I have got a way to calm me down
But I want my humiliation to be unshown
I wanna escape to painful silence of mind
Or jump from the bridge to breathe the wind

I don't know which way I should choose
Sometimes I feel suffocating noose
I cannot muddle through myself now
But I am too haughty to avow
I know whom should I ask for help
Who can appease my soul's yelp
But do I deserve for His attention?
Can He forgive my silly sedition?

suicide